Kazia Galazka shows an early penchant for coherence in her review of Camera Obscura's "French Navy," breaking with the more shoeless navel gazing(possible new genre classification?)indulged by some of her more senior counterparts at Pitchfork.
I'm still angry at Mr. Dombal for his dork-handed press release for Metallica Guitar Hero in which he asserts that Aerosmith sucks. Yes, Aerosmith do suck, like Nirvana sucks, by writing good songs, arranging them simply, and showing just enough skill to show the material to maximum advantage.
I save the last observation for last. Today the public Google search for Pitchfork no longer reveals the lame agrarian-baiting heading advertising farm equipment and livestock. Perhaps Ryan Schreiber finally realized "that joke isn't funny anymore."
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Monday, March 16, 2009
Ryan Dombal fails to test for Eno-centric viral strain: Compares Yeah Yeah Yeahs song to number 67
If anyone needed any more convincing evidence that Pitchfork Media is trying to distance itself from Brian Eno's history and any mathematical rigor they need look no further than the most recent review of the Yeah, Yeah, Yeahs song "Skeletons."
Ryan Dombal misses by a mile a glaring opportunity to mention, "The Big Ship" from Another Green World, instead ruminating cryptically on the difference between five inches across and six feet down. Let's figure it out: 72 inches -5 inches=67 inches. Quite a difference, as Dombal quite rightly observes, but to what end?
As I said, the song is quite fine, but it needs to be separated from Dombal's languorous relativist mathematics.
Public Pitchfork Watchdog of America is calling for a review by Pitchfork editor and founder Ryan Schreiber of the entire Dombal ouevre for such virtuosic soporifistics. What kind of unapproved FDA drugs are they using in that office, and how soon will it lead to a repeat of the epidemic of indoor folding scooter accidents that plagued young Silicon Valley technicians in the late 90's, robbing them of their health and able-bodiedness?
Ryan Dombal misses by a mile a glaring opportunity to mention, "The Big Ship" from Another Green World, instead ruminating cryptically on the difference between five inches across and six feet down. Let's figure it out: 72 inches -5 inches=67 inches. Quite a difference, as Dombal quite rightly observes, but to what end?
As I said, the song is quite fine, but it needs to be separated from Dombal's languorous relativist mathematics.
Public Pitchfork Watchdog of America is calling for a review by Pitchfork editor and founder Ryan Schreiber of the entire Dombal ouevre for such virtuosic soporifistics. What kind of unapproved FDA drugs are they using in that office, and how soon will it lead to a repeat of the epidemic of indoor folding scooter accidents that plagued young Silicon Valley technicians in the late 90's, robbing them of their health and able-bodiedness?
Sunday, March 15, 2009
Only valid Radiohead news please says PPWOA ombudsman in Akron
Try looking at a Pitchfork article, such as "Radiohead suffers the wrath of Miley Cyrus" and try not to lose control of your bowels while you search for salient facts about music or culture. The facts at hand give the lie to the cottage industry veneer of the Pitchfork Media operation and reveal it for the mouth-breathing Dan Brown fans playing Rock Band while the new Coven of Dork-Mongers" plays in the background.
One might say these are the seemingly benign type of short-takes are like those once emitted by the rock sage J.D. Considine which would pad out the back cover of the much-missed Musician magazine.
But a less sepia-tinted acid-crazed view would be it is all part of the Defamerfication of rock journalism led by Pitchfork pointing and clicking their talons at the balls and heart of rock and roll with cruel intent!!! Well no more. Pitchfork, hasn't Mr. Yorke provided enough material for you to enjoy that you don't need to dwell on his relations with Miley Cyrus.
There in lies the rub here; if she is so distasteful, why is Ryan Dombal even dignifying her actions with valuable digital column space? Perhaps Dombal finds Mr. Yorke's position unreasonable, and wishes he had been in his shoes: to engage the teenage starlet in an IM interview of some type, perhaps on-line from the Pitchfork offices at 4 a.m.
Meanwhile the brain and soul of the American hipster/not hipster rots in the flames of Dombal's lack of regard for the verities of rock journalism. Anyone desperately wondering what's the pick to click to dine out on is left floating in the flaming dinghy of Dombal's shameful purgatory. It is this action group's opinion they'll have to look a little further than Pitchfork.
Don't let Pitchfork distract you and make you forget they took more than a week to jump on the Bee Gees' Odessa reissue and review it, an unfathomable omission for a group whose early work has such cache with the self-styled urban sophisticates who patronize Pitchfork's cybernetic vault of tin-eared lies.
Just two suggestions to get you started Pitchfork:
1)A retrospective evaluation of the soundtrack work of horror director John Carpenter with accompanying interview.
2) An exegesis on Vangelis' development from Aphrodite's Child through the Chariots of Fire soundtrack. Serialize it, and even make it premium content for a fee. Stop dwelling on Mr. Yorke's alleged asociality and get cracking on some thing that will burn off some of that cyber-paunch hanging over your digital belt.
Rourke Maggis
One might say these are the seemingly benign type of short-takes are like those once emitted by the rock sage J.D. Considine which would pad out the back cover of the much-missed Musician magazine.
But a less sepia-tinted acid-crazed view would be it is all part of the Defamerfication of rock journalism led by Pitchfork pointing and clicking their talons at the balls and heart of rock and roll with cruel intent!!! Well no more. Pitchfork, hasn't Mr. Yorke provided enough material for you to enjoy that you don't need to dwell on his relations with Miley Cyrus.
There in lies the rub here; if she is so distasteful, why is Ryan Dombal even dignifying her actions with valuable digital column space? Perhaps Dombal finds Mr. Yorke's position unreasonable, and wishes he had been in his shoes: to engage the teenage starlet in an IM interview of some type, perhaps on-line from the Pitchfork offices at 4 a.m.
Meanwhile the brain and soul of the American hipster/not hipster rots in the flames of Dombal's lack of regard for the verities of rock journalism. Anyone desperately wondering what's the pick to click to dine out on is left floating in the flaming dinghy of Dombal's shameful purgatory. It is this action group's opinion they'll have to look a little further than Pitchfork.
Don't let Pitchfork distract you and make you forget they took more than a week to jump on the Bee Gees' Odessa reissue and review it, an unfathomable omission for a group whose early work has such cache with the self-styled urban sophisticates who patronize Pitchfork's cybernetic vault of tin-eared lies.
Just two suggestions to get you started Pitchfork:
1)A retrospective evaluation of the soundtrack work of horror director John Carpenter with accompanying interview.
2) An exegesis on Vangelis' development from Aphrodite's Child through the Chariots of Fire soundtrack. Serialize it, and even make it premium content for a fee. Stop dwelling on Mr. Yorke's alleged asociality and get cracking on some thing that will burn off some of that cyber-paunch hanging over your digital belt.
Rourke Maggis
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